“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18). Most of us have an idealized version of love that only superficially resembles perfect love. And the main thing that separates our ideal love with perfect love is fear. We are afraid that if we are firm and unyielding in our commitment to helping those we love realize their full potential, then we will come off as unlikeable, even hateful, and thus not loving. Perfect love casts this fear out. Perfect love tells the truth and that truth can be hard and unpleasant and cause distress and pain in the short term, but uplifts and ennobles and calls out the best in us and those we love and demands that we do not settle for the paltry and empty comforts of our present. Our ideal version of love contains with it the fear that we don't fully know what miseries our loved one is going through, and it is better to say nothing and do nothing than to say or do the wrong thing and add to their misery. Perfect love casts this fear out. Perfect love reaches out with good will and a pure desire to bear one another's burdens and comfort those that stand in need of comfort and accept the risk that our efforts may be weak and insufficient but has faith that doing something with love is ultimately better than doing nothing out of fear. Our ideal version of love requires a kind of false vulnerability by naively clinging to the idea that nothing bad can or ought to happen. We shouldn't have to fight or argue or negotiate. We shouldn't have to deal with betrayal or manipulation or the clashing of wills. We are afraid that if we can't live happily ever after, then it wasn't really love to begin with. Perfect love casts this fear out. Perfect love recognizes that there is a natural tendency inside each of us to offend and harm and sell each other out for short term gains or even for no good reason at all beyond sheer malevolence, and yet to willingly and openly trust in the better nature of our angels anyway. It can take time to find all of the fears lurking in the recesses of our souls. We will have no choice but to love imperfectly most of the time, but if we have a particularly stubborn fear that is really impeding our desire and ability and commitment to loving more perfectly, then we can pray to the Father with all of the energy of our heart that He will fill us with His perfect love, and His perfect love can cast out the fears that at can't cast out ourselves.
