Inner Parents, Be Kind to Your Inner Child

Christ has invited us to become as a child. In popular psychology, we often talk about our “inner child.” All of us have a part of us that is like a child - curious, humble, submissive, willing to learn new things. If we want that childlike part of us to flourish, then we also have to straighten out our inner parent, the part of us that takes on responsibility, plans for the future, makes value judgments. The problem is that our inner parent is often abusive, quick to find and point out faults, harsh in criticism and punishment, impatient and unwilling to accept failures or delays. How many times has our inner child said, I’m going to learn how to play the piano, or fix the faucet, or figure out how to eat and exercise properly, and our inner parent comes running and screaming the first time we make a mistake or slip up in our goals? Then our inner child, scared out of its mind, runs and hides in the deepest, darkest part of our souls. We stop being curious. We stop trying to learn new things. If we want to become like a child, we have to start learning how to be better parents to our inner child. We have to love ourselves with the same selfless, uncritical, motivating kind of love that a parent with a healthy relationship with their child would have. A loving parent wants the best for their child and will cheer on their first steps, and swoop in with a hug and a kiss when the child falls over and starts to cry. A loving parent will go out of their way to thank their child and tell them what a good job they’re doing when they’ve done something right, and may even reward them. A loving parent will sacrifice their own comfort, push past their own embarrassment, and give up their time and resources to make sure that their child feels safe to learn and grow and try new things. The more that we can practice this kind of parental love with ourselves, the more that our inner child will feel at ease to come out and play and learn and make mistakes without being judged or scolded, confident that our inner parent will forgive them their weaknesses and encourage them to keep trying and learning and growing. Our inner parent should be there to build up our inner child, not tear it down. I know that if we can learn to love ourselves the way that our Savior loves us, then our inner parent and our inner child can work together to make us the best possible version of ourselves.