Falling In Love

When we talk about love, we usually say that we are falling in love. When we say that the Earth orbits the Sun, what it is actually doing is falling towards the Sun. The Earth doesn’t crash into the sun because the Sun is so massive that it warps the space around it, so that the Earth is constantly falling but never crashing. What do orbital mechanics have to do with love? When we talk about falling in love, this isn’t the kind of fall where you trip and hit the ground. This is the kind of fall that never ends. We are always falling in love’s orbit. Love is so powerful that it warps the space around it so that we are always falling towards it but never crashing into it.  This is an interesting metaphor, but it is important to note that in this metaphor, if we are the Earth, then the Sun is love itself, not the person that we are in love with. In Psychology there is this concept of “third space”. Basically, in a relationship each person has an individual space, but together they can create a third space that is separate from either but to which both can enter and exist together. This third space is the love that we fall into. Love is a space that two people can both be in together. That is why they are “in” love. To enter this third space requires humility. It requires patience and kindness and understanding. We have to share this space with another. We have to share this space with someone who doesn’t always think like we do, doesn’t always act the way we would. We need to grant freely and demand constantly compassion and forgiveness from the one that we’re in love with. This third space is different from the one we’re used to, and that is scary and wonderful and exhilarating and exhausting. To return to the orbital metaphor, it may take a while before we find the right orbital resonance with each other. In Astronomy, Scientists have developed what they call the Goldilocks zone, which is a region in space round the sun where life could possibly exist. If you get too close to the sun, you’re going to burn up. If you’re too far you’re going to freeze. The same goes with love. If we let ourselves fall too deeply into love then we’re going to burn out in a jealous rage. If we give ourselves too much space, we may fall completely out of love’s orbit altogether. But we may find that even as we do our best to exercise patience and kindness and humility and self sacrifice, we will sometimes find our orbits have gotten out of sync. It will take an entire lifetime and then some to find that perfect orbit but as long as we are falling in love and trying to make of that shared third space a place where both we ourselves and the ones we love feel comfortable and welcome and cherished, we may find that instead of rocketing untethered through the cold dark of empty space we can fall together forever around the light and warmth of unending love.